1. |
||||
One night I had a dream of someone who cared for me
We flew across the seas, they were always there for me
Their presence was the thing that gave me clarity
And I was at peace foe eternity
I woke up and I felt so lost
For something I didn’t know I longed
And now I can’t go back
I’ll travel far and wide
To find them there again
Beyond the skylines
It feels like every day, I’ve walked around aimlessly
I never saw the frame, thought it wasn’t made for me
But I’ve opened my gaze, I get now it’s plain to see
There’s something in the wake that I really need
I feel like I don’t know myself
I’m spinning tryna make my felt
I’m building myself up
I’m making my climb
Cause if there’s something more
I want in my sight
It’s a paradigm shift, I can feel it in my head
I feel it settling, like it’s drying up cement
I’m modeling my life before everything is set
I wanna feel alive
Wanna make these memories last long
I wanna be inspired by the seas
I didn’t care about the way things are
Because I didn’t see the way they could be, cause
Imagine that
Somebody who loves you
Imagine that
People you can come to
Imagine that
Settling far away (woah)
I’m gonna make my escape
I’m gonna make my escape
I’m gonna make my escape
I’m gonna get up and go
I’m gonna find me a place
Where I can know that I’m home
And so I’m settling out
Because I want to explore
Until I can settle down
Until I know what I’m for
It all comes through at once
And you're still changing
Breathe in
You've outdone yourself again
It all comes through at once
And you're still changing
Breathe in
You've outdone yourself again
It all comes through at once
And you're still changing
Breathe in
You've outdone yourself again
It all comes through at once
And you're still changing
Breathe in
You've outdone yourself again
My momma told me speak
But words are held accountable
|
||||
2. |
doom&gloom
04:32
|
|||
They don’t tell me what I get to do
They don’t know the half, I’m split in two
Feeling down so I’ll look to the moon
On the ground, I’ll just find doom and gloom
They don’t tell me what I get to do
They don’t know the half, I’m split in two
Feeling down so I’ll look to the moon
On the ground, I’ll just find doom and gloom
Don’t say you’re sorry
I know you have no fucking shame
Might be a long way (might be a long way)
But I’m gon have it one damn day
So I’m just gonna wait
I'm just gon fucking wait
And hope it picks up the pace
Maybe it’ll go up in flames
But I don’t really see another way
I get excited when I think about it
Hate my problems, but love figuring out shit
Bumps in the road, but I’ll get around it
End of the day, I know where the ground is
I’ll be waiting, and waiting, and waiting
Making an effort
Even when it don’t make sense
‘Cause I’m tired of their fake pretense
And the pressure and the hate I get
Every time that I say my shit
They like “Shame on him”
Just cause I wanna control the way I live
Don’t you see? You make me sick
They don’t tell me what I get to do
They don’t know the half, I’m split in two
Feeling down so I’ll look to the moon
On the ground, I’ll just find doom and gloom
They don’t tell me what I get to do
They don’t know the half, I’m split in two
Feeling down so I’ll look to the moon
On the ground, I’ll just find doom and gloom
They don’t tell me what I get to do
They don’t know the half, I’m split in two
Feeling down so I’ll look to the moon
On the ground, I’ll just find doom and gloom
They don’t tell me what I get to do
They don’t know the half, I’m split in two
Feeling down so I’ll look to the moon
On the ground, I’ll just find doom and gloom
Please don’t tell me shit
I got all these expectations tryna weigh me in
Bitch, you’d probably hate me with no matter what I did
You don’t see a human, you just see me as a kid
And I don’t like your model
So I’m making my own
Cause if it aint by my way
It’s nobody’s at all
You treat my life like it’s yours, I think your selfish
I don’t need your supervision, don’t need help
Aint no one controlling of me
Aint nobody pulling my strings
I used to think I had to play by the rules, I thought it was hopeless for me
I aint gonna listen to what you be sayin cause you’re never open to me
You say that you’re building me up, but reality is you destroy everything, yeah
I can’t let it get to my head
I can’t let it get to my head
I can’t let it get to my head
I can’t let it get to my head
They don’t tell me what I get to do
They don’t know the half, I’m split in two
Feeling down so I’ll look to the moon
On the ground, I’ll just find doom and gloom
They don’t tell me what I get to do
They don’t know the half, I’m split in two
Feeling down so I’ll look to the moon
On the ground, I’ll just find doom and gloom
|
||||
3. |
||||
I can’t sleep, on my mind, million things
2, 5, 1
Doing this again while it’s nine to three
Tiring me, yeah
Whatever it is
I want in on it
I want in on it
Tired of this shit
Tryna feel something
Tryna feel something
Whatever it is
I want in on it
I want in on it
Tired of this shit
Tryna feel something, tryna
Tryna find some comfort, some love, I can’t get a thing
Aint nobody cares, I aint anybody’s anything
I aint gonna stay, aint gon wait till the light is green
I’m gon treat myself, even if that shit’s the end of me
Whatever it is
I want in on it
I want in on it
Tired of this shit
Can I feel something?
Can I feel something?
Whatever it is
I want in on it
I want in on it
Tired of this shit
Can I feel something? Can I?
Can’t tell if I crossed a line, ‘cause my sight’s blurred
Lines blurred, I crash and I burn
Poison everywhere I walk, every right turn
I hurt, can’t stop ‘till I’m cured
'Till I'm cured, 'till I'm cured
'Till I'm cured, 'till I'm cured
Whatever it is
I want in on it
I want in on it
Tired of this shit
Tryna feel something
Tryna feel something
Whatever it is
I want in on it
I want in on it
Tired of this shit
Tryna feel something, tryna
|
||||
4. |
frustration.x
03:08
|
|||
Can you just tell me you hate me
Cause I want you and you’ll never want me
So can you tell me you hate me
You don’t want to, I’m petty, I’m sorry
Can you just tell me you hate me
Cause I want you and you’ll never want me
So can you tell me you hate me
You don’t want to, I’m petty, I’m sorry
And all this Zoloft got me shaky
It’s just so fucking frustrating
I feel neglected every day
And it’s nobody to blame
We worked in my head, I was goddamn wrong though
Hurt someone again, I feel fucking awful
Never my intent, or at least I thought so
Feel so much regret, it gets hard to not loathe
Every minute gotta remind myself it’s not my fault
Shouldn’t pin the blame on someone, nor should I take it all
I’ll think it’s in my nature but deep down that shit is false
It’s so easy to say that now, but not as time goes on
It’s ok, it’s fine, it’s ok, I swear
Bitch I’ll be alright, I’m just not aware
It’s ok, it’s fine, it’s ok, I swear
Make it fucking right, as long as I’m here
Can you just tell me you hate me
Cause I want you and you’ll never want me
So can you tell me you hate me
You don’t want to, I’m petty, I’m sorry
Can you just tell me you hate me
Cause I want you and you’ll never want me
So can you tell me you hate me
You don’t want to, I’m petty, I’m sorry
And all this Zoloft got me shaky
It’s just so fucking frustrating
I feel neglected every day
And it’s nobody to blame
It's not my fault, ooo
Don't think about it too much
I’m a fucking freak, I crawl all over you
So I’m asking for closure here, not pity
I thought going separate ways was overdue
So why do you still wanna be friends with me?
I find it odd you seem to like me now
Just when I said I’d do it on my own
I’d prolly fold if you lied right now
Cause we both know I’m feeling vulnerable
Can you just tell me you hate me? Ohh
Before somebody gets hurt
I keep having this nagging feeling that I've forgotten something
|
||||
5. |
guiltrip
02:48
|
|||
I endured thinking you deserved it
Missed and hurt you so I misheard shit
Since I’ve learned that nobody’s perfect
I was sure it wasn’t on purpose
I was certain that you were worth it
On the surface you seemed so worth it
But I’m dirt to you, I aint worth shit
I just heard about all of your shit
Ooo, I just heard about the shit you did
Why, what in the fuck did you get from this
You got the mileage out my guilt trip
I hope you lie until you feel sick
Ooo, I just heard about the shit you did
Why, what in the fuck did you get from this
You got the mileage out my guilt trip
I hope you lie until you feel sick
I feel so manipulated
I don’t how I can take this
I don’t really care how late it is
Maybe it’s fine if I say it is
And it started as something selfish
When I harmed you I couldn’t help it
You don’t buy, but you’re always sellin
Damn, whose side am I even tellin?
But you know it says something that I’m who’s tellin it
And I think what sets us apart is what never clicked
Cause you only let yourself see me as the enemy
And I couldn’t get that I didn’t have the remedy
Said you sorry, hope you honest
Either way now, not my problem
Well I hope you liked my twenty
You won’ get another penny
Ooo, I just heard about the shit you did
Why, what in the fuck did you get from this
You got the mileage out my guilt trip
I hope you lie until you feel sick
Ooo, I just heard about the shit you did
Why, what in the fuck did you get from this
You got the mileage out my guilt trip
I hope you lie until you feel sick
You got the mileage out my guilt trip
(It's not that I hate you)
I hope you lie until you feel sick
(But usually it's not so hard to look someone in their eyes)
|
||||
6. |
concertEV
03:35
|
|||
Open up new wounds
Before the old ones heal
You and I will pass the time
Long phone calls on weekend nights
And I think that we’re alike
We’re both trying to get by
The things we talk are taboo
We’re closer than most friends
You helped me with my issues
I learned to trust again
Cause it’s been getting to me, the shit I couldn’t show
The type of shit that when you look at me you wouldn’t know
I’ve always dealt with masking and shame
With you I never had to save face
You put it in my bag for some change
Didn’t know what would happen that day
And you were no one to judge me
Or turn your head when I’m fucking lost
I didn’t know you would cut me-
I didn’t know you would cut me off (fuck)
But you couldn’t even tell me why
And you knew about the other time
And this shit is gonna fuck my mind up
Till there’s not a single person I trust
But you couldn’t even tell me why
And you knew about the other time
And this shit is gonna fuck my mind up
Till there’s not a single person I trust
If you really needed time
Then why’d I have to hear it through your friend?
These months have proven that you lied
You never wanna speak to my again
You said how cathartic it is to scream
I guess I understand now what you mean
And when we got up to sing that piece
What is it that made you sing in peace?
After all we’ve been through, you made that choice
I’m sorry if I ever raised my voice
But I thought we’d learned to work things over
And now I’m sitting here hearing our closer
And you were no one to judge me
Or turn your head when I’m fucking lost
I didn’t know you would cut me-
I didn’t know you would cut me off (fuck)
But you couldn’t even tell me why
And you knew about the other time
And this shit is gonna fuck my mind up
Till there’s not a single person I trust
But you couldn’t even tell me why
And you knew about the other time
And this shit is gonna fuck my mind up
Till there’s not a single person I trust
But you- but-
This aint the first time I’ve been through hell and back
But at this point I don’t know how much left I have
This aint the first time I’ve been through hell and back
But at this point I don’t know how much left I have
Take my hand
Take my hand
|
||||
7. |
FLYGUTS!
03:46
|
|||
This one’s for those who left me broken, left me bleeding
Fucked me over for no reason
Split me open cause it pleased them or some shit
And now I’m spending every waking moment
And aint resting, not for no one
So that when I win you’re forced to live with it
Did you even think that it was wrong?
How would you feel if you blinked, and lost it all?
So tell me, did you even think that it was wrong?
How would you feel if you blinked, and lost it all?
And that’s why
You’re a piece of shit, that’s what you are to me
Hypervigilant, the shit you did stays as a part of me
Now I can’t live fully cause you motherfucking scarred me
You gave me no chances, so bitch how could I be sorry
And how dare you fucking touch something so close to me
Just to use that shit in any way you weren’t supposed to be
How could I have known that you would end up letting go of me?
Left me falling to the floor, you threw me out, disposed of me
This one’s for those who left me broken, left me bleeding
Fucked me over for no reason
Split me open cause it pleased them or some shit
And now I’m spending every waking moment
And aint resting, not for no one
So that when I win you’re forced to live with it
Did you even think that it was wrong?
How would you feel if you blinked, and lost it all?
So tell me, did you even think that it was wrong?
How would you feel if you blinked, and lost it all?
Just like I did
I can’t run out of fuel
Can hardly cope, I only do what I know how to do
My tears won’t surface, bitch I can’t ever allow them to
I can’t relax, that’s not what all my pain’s amounted to
And I hate holding it in
Break down, forget, do it all over again
You took my life, I watched it blow in the wind
I got three eyes, you put a hole in my head
Be glad that it was always my house
If I had your address, bitch, I would be there right now
I’d see you where you stand and make you fucking lie down
I’d make you-
And now my ego’s hungry, biting more than it can chew
So I bottle up and it inflates till it can’t fit the room
Now my skin is thick and calloused and I’m barely getting through
Validation’s the escapism I’m now indebted to
Cause if I have nothing to prove
Than who am I, no, who are you?
So I work nights in desperation
I in-fight, and always lose
Stop the cycle, there’s no B sides
You took months to even realize
You’ll wake up tomorrow morning and you’ll continue to waste time
Now I’m like a parody me
Struggling and I can barely breathe
Cause I been thinking bout this shit that I can’t have back
And now I can’t allow myself to let it be
Soon I’ll have no memory-
Shut the fuck up
|
||||
8. |
crybxby (feat. Packtion)
05:10
|
|||
Breathe
I can feel my youth slowly slipping away
I been thinking I don’t really want that place anymore
I should just pack up and go
Cause every time I don’t (cause every time you don’t)
I get what I deserve (you get what you deserve)
Why did I fight the tears? They were my best friend
I wanted Paris, but all I found was a dead end, oh
And I should let it go
However hard I try I never get it
I try to open up, they use it as a weapon, so
I guess they’ll never know
King sized bed of self-doubt
No, you won’t make it out
I made it all for you
Pain will set you free
Whatever hurts is true
Remember when you gave up
That was you controlling all your dangers
All the world's a stage
The men and women merely players
I defy you, stars
I defy you, stars
I defy you, stars
I defy you, stars
Why did I fight the tears? They were my best friend
I wanted Paris, but all I found was a dead end, oh
And I should let it go
However hard I try I never get it
I try to open up, they use it as a weapon, so
I guess they’ll never know
I defy you, stars
The Eiffel tower in my mind falls to the ground
The bits and pieces wash away without a sound
I hardly have a choice, I’m all on my own now
This is the way it has to be
I will never be happy
Cause I’m fully convinced it never works
And believe me, I’ve tried
Why did I believe you?
I was so naive to
I’ll be right where you left me
And now my heart is empty
I put everything back together
But it’s bled out and dried
I’m blind, you were see through
Wish I didn’t need to
I’ve long lost all my innocence
And you know that you did that shit
So it says a lot
How you just don’t care at all
Lately I been finding it hard to pin the blame
I’m thinking that it was all a big mistake
Cause I might never do anything wrong
And still catch a stray
Now I’ve bent up my head
So it’s never again
And my dreams are all dead
Even if they looked me in the face
I’d turn the other way
Too afraid of the pain
This is the way it has to be
I will never be happy
Cause I’m fully convinced it never works
And believe me, I’ve tried
Why did I believe you?
I was so naive to
I’ll be right where you left me
And now my heart is empty
I put everything back together
But it’s bled out and dried
I’m blind, you were see through
Wish I didn’t need to
|
||||
9. |
poisoned water
03:11
|
|||
Why won't you believe me?
That shit was a drunk text
And I know you’ll regret it
So it’s fuck this
You can go and forget it
And I’m upset
Cause I motherfucking swear to god
That you’re tryna set me up
Cause it taught me
I’ll be treated like shit
And it taught me
There are no exceptions
And I fought it
I did everything
So be honest, that’s not what you mean
It’s so hard to believe
Swear that’s not what you mean
I swear you’re lying to me
Now I’m so scared of love
Say you want me, well let it die out
It’s more than bad luck
Cause it’s happened every time now
I’m scared to open up
Scared to let my colors show
Maybe I’ll act tough
Can’t hue shift when I’m monochrome
Tell me when did your spirit break?
Tell me what made you live this way?
Tell me things that you never say (take my hand)
I’m dying of thirst, but the water is poisoned
And I can’t take your word, no matter how well you voice it
All of your concern, all it is is exploitive
After what I’ve learned, I learned, yeah
It taught me
I’ll be treated like shit
It’s exhausting
There are no exceptions
I didn’t just try it
I did everything
You’re lying
Are you fucking kidding me?
And you can barely croak it out
Because your voice is broken down
But you would rather withstand
Then ever take someone’s hand
I’ll never open up
Never let my colors show
I’m best off acting tough
Can’t hue shift when I’m monochrome
|
||||
10. |
THE EDGE
03:00
|
|||
Melancholic, I’m too deep in my sorrow
I do it to myself but he’d make it harder
Sometimes I find it hard to breathe with my eyes closed
And lately I can’t even think, where’d my mind go?
I don’t know where it went
And I been the edge
So I’ma put up my defense
I been feeling so pent up
That I can’t even reflect
And I’ve kept up my head
So long I forgot the reason
It’s a reflex
And now I aint got no friends
I aint got shit to my name
Swear I’ll never see the end
I swear that it’s all the same
I wish that I could pretend
That I had fucking amnesia
Or could feel love again
In any part of my being
Backstabbed, and I still feel the edge
Back track, do it over again
I can’t get it out of my head
I can’t get it out of my head
Tear ducts all dried up and abused
I’m stuck, and there’s no cutting loose
No luck, swear to god there’s no use
Melancholic, I’m too deep in my sorrow
I do it to myself but she’d make it harder
Sometimes I find it hard to breathe with my eyes closed
And lately I can’t even think, where’d my mind go?
I don’t know where I went
And I been the edge
So I’ma put up my defense
I been feeling so pent up
That I can’t even reflect
And I’ve kept up my head
So long I forgot the reason
It’s a refle-
Knock me off my balance
Bitch, I have none
I can’t find my grounding
I can’t stand up
I’m so fucking calloused
I’m so damn numb
Don’t comment on that story, and don’t make that post
Don’t speak to anybody, they can’t ever know
My face ID can’t recognize me through the tears
And I hate what I see when I look in the mirror
So fucking naive
To think that you are unbreakable
Bitch, roll up your sleeve
Because your heart is too hatable
Been so fucking long
Forever feels like a while now
My face in a cloth
I desperately try to cry out
Wish I was anyone else
Anyone but myself
Wish I could just fucking leave
But I can’t ever get help
My wounds will never heal, each day I bleed out
And I can’t lift my arms, I’ll never reach out
Anymore
|
||||
11. |
paris
06:55
|
|||
Can you hear it
Can you see it
Can you feel it
Can you taste it
I found it
I finally found it
I’m looking right at it
It’s right there
My love
My sweet love
I get it now
You’re the one who cared
I can reach that high
I can tie loose ends
I’ll cut my vices
And make amends
I can bite that bullet
I can take that leap
That die, I’ll roll it
And I’ll be free
I’m sorry
I feel so damn sorry
For all that I’ve put them through
Them and me
But as I see it
I’m doing much better now
More than I’ve ever been
As much as I’ll ever be
So this is goodbye
Left with an ultimatum
Leave it all behind
For this beautiful new world
Beautiful new world
Where I can reach that high
I can tie loose ends
I can cut my vices
And make amends
I can bite that bullet
I can take that leap
And I’m no poet
It’s not that deep
But I should write something
A small thing before I go
To tell everyone where I’m headed
So I’m writing this note
Don’t be sad
Just know that I’m happy now
I’m going to Paris
I’ll be gone for a little while
Cause somebody tripped
I caught them by instinct
And now I start to question
If I’m as bad as I think
Cause maybe I’m wrong
Maybe I’m dead wrong
I’m not even close
Not a little bit, not at all
So I take that stupid note
And I cast it in the lake
I walk away from that cliff
No, not now, not today
So I still defy these stars
But in a different type of way
See, I defy everything they are
Living to see another day
I made a new friend today
I finally let it in
And when they asked my name
I said something different
The answer, here all along
Way back in my head
So when they asked my name
Here’s what I said
Paris
Paris
That’s my name
Paris
Paris
In my brain
|
||||
12. |
2thedirt
03:54
|
|||
And they did me so wrong
But it isn’t my fault
Cause I tried to resolve
They never cared at all
She said I need to make it past 20
But I’m not tryna live forever
And at this point I really don’t care
If my stone’s unturned, I won’t be overworked to the dirt
She said I need to make it past 20
But I’m not tryna live forever
And at this point I really don’t care
If my stone’s unturned, I won’t be overworked to the dirt
I aint ever wanted bad, but there’s things that’s in my path
And I’m thinking I aint yielding for the cars now
And there’s been things in my past, but I think I’m over that
I won’t look away, I’ll see you as you are now
Like, I don’t really care, Ima fall for you regardless
I been way too scared, to the point of being heartless
I’ll shoot you a glare, maybe talk to you right there
End of the day, I got nothing to lose
I’m tryna get to you
I’m traveling the whole world from my bedroom
I don’t think twice because I know it’s what I’m meant to do
And things don’t phase me any more then I let it do
Do I want you
Or do I need you
Like goddamnit I think that I just want to be you
You might not see me
The way I see you
But it don’t hurt me like it used to
And she said
She said I need to make it past 20
But I’m not tryna live forever
And at this point I really don’t care
If my stone’s unturned, I won’t be overworked to the dirt
She said I need to make it past 20
But I’m not tryna live forever
And at this point I really don’t care
If my stone’s unturned, I won’t be overworked to the dirt
And they did me so wrong
But it isn’t my fault
Cause I tried to resolve
They never cared at all
They never cared at all
They never cared at all
They never cared at all
They never cared at-
Ooooo, I’m so much more than you think I am
Ooooo, I’m so much more than you think- think- think
She said I need to make it past 20
But I’m not tryna live forever
And at this point I really don’t care
If my stone’s unturned, I won’t be overworked to the dirt
To the dirt
To the dirt
To the dirt
|
||||
13. |
||||
In the arms of an angel
But I stay on the ground
Say “I aint going nowhere
You just breathe in and out”
I think I found my place here
People do me no harm
They want it to stay with me
They want peace in my heart
This heart of mine
Been through so much
But this heart of mine
Still got some love to show
Calluses to the edges of your hands
It's been a rough few years
And you made it here alive despite all of your tears
Until I'm on my deathbed I'll always be here
You'll always have a home
I'll always be your comfort
You'll always have a home
You'll never be alone
I'd go to hell and back for you
You'll never be alone
This heart of mine
Been through so much
But this heart of mine
Still got some love to show
Reach through the walls, came out the blue
And you were so so tired of having nothing new
And I'm sitting here in this living room with you
And you smile and say "thanks"
But it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing, it's
And you can find yourself
In the walls of an embrace you redefine yourself
And I promise, no matter what
I'll keep an open door
It's not a favor
You don't owe me a pound
We can just stay here
Until the fire burns out
Until you're flying
Too fast for me to keep up anymore
This heart of mine
Been through so much
Oh, this heart of mine
Been through so much
Oh, this heart of mine
Been through so much
But this heart of mine
Still got some love to show
Take my hand
Take my hand
Take my hand
Don't let go
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